Finding Joy

Why is finding the negative so easy? Why does the worst case scenario tend to be the dominant thought in our minds? I don’t necessarily have the answers to these questions, but if you stop to think about it they are valid questions. It takes work to find the good in things, to find the positives in life. That is why gratitude journals are so popular, but it also seems a bit backwards that the negative comes so easily to us and we need journals and inspirational quotes to push us to find the joy in life. In an ideal world it would be the other way around, not that we would work to be negative, but that the good and the positive came so naturally to us. I am not sure if it comes from being taught to be humble or to not brag about ourselves, or if it comes from how we were spoken to as children and if our flaws were broadcast by the adults in our lives, but we need to find ways to combat the negative and bring the positive to a more conscious state in our minds.

Self Esteem and Joy 

Can one exist without the other? Research indicates that people who are genuinely happy in life find joy more easily than people who are unhappy and I 100% believe that. Think about a time when you were in a good place in life-things were going your way, you were loving pretty much everything about life. Wasn’t it easier to compliment others, smile, laugh, find the good, etc.? Of course it was! When you are feeling good you automatically start to see things differently. When you feel good about yourself it changes your entire outlook on life. If you feel that you have a difficult time finding joy, maybe your self esteem needs some work. Try using positive affirmations every morning, write something nice about yourself on a mirror you look at every morning to start your day with a positive feeling. It may be time to filter your inner circle. If your “friends” constantly make you feel bad about yourself or try to diminish your accomplishments because it makes them feel better, find new friends. We all need to stop allowing others to alter how we feel about ourselves. Live in the present-this I struggle with a lot. Stop worrying about what could happen in the future and try to live life as each day comes. It can be difficult because as adults we have a lot of responsibilities-but trying to live in the moment will help you to enjoy it more. 

Give yourself permission to find joy

Real quick-say something positive about yourself. Did it feel uncomfortable to hype yourself up? If so, you have got to start allowing yourself to find the positive in life. There are people in this world who have a very hard time acknowledging the good things about themselves and speaking about themselves in a positive way. They may also have a hard time sharing their accomplishments with others out of fear of sounding like they are bragging or being conceited. Stop that! Stop “playing small” to make others feel good! We all have great qualities and do great things, why can’t we encourage each other to talk about them? Why do some people roll their eyes or talk negatively about the person when they leave for sharing their accomplishments. We need to stop doing that. When someone is proud of themselves, let them be proud! If you are not proud of yourself that is not their fault, so don’t rain on their parade. When you feel jealous of someone else, think “why am I having this reaction? What is missing in my life?” and be honest with yourself. If you feel unhappy all that time-why? What is contributing to it? When you find the source of the unhappiness you have the power to change it. You have the power to find what will bring joy to your life. You don”t like your friends? Find new ones. You don’t like where you live? Look for somewhere new to live. We are not stuck where we are with no possibility of change-take an introspective look at your life and what makes you happy and chase after that. Stop living in the negative because it is “safe” or because that is where you are comfortable. It’s okay to be happy, and it’s definitely okay to not spend majority of your life finding the negative. 

Limit the negativity you allow in your life

STOP LETTING OTHERS STEAL YOUR JOY! STOP! We have got to limit the negativity in our lives. We have to stop having an open door policy for every person who wants to come into our space,  spew their hatred,  and then walk away. I don’t care who it is. If your best friend of 25 years has become very negative lately or likes to play the game of “I am going to say rude things about you and then say ‘geez I’m just joking’ or something equally insulting just to make you feel bad about yourself” stop being friends with that person. Your true friends don’t do that. Can you give your friends a hard time about non-sensitive topics in a joking way? Of course you can. Good natured joking and teasing is a part of friendship, but when it becomes constant and they especially like to do it in front of other people to embarrass you, might be time to cut them loose. If you are not ready to get rid of them, then you need to limit the amount of time you spend with them. This does not just apply to friends, it applies to anyone in your life. If you have a family member that all they do is complain when you talk to them, limit your communication. If you have a coworker who is never happy, limit your exposure to them. It is not your responsibility to be other people’s personal complaint department. It’s not. We can’t care for others more than we care for ourselves. We have to have limits, otherwise known as boundaries. You have complete control of how much you allow others in your life. We can say “not today, sorry” because, again, we have control over how much we let others into our lives.

Comparison is the thief of joy

Yes toxic people can  be a thief of joy, but so can comparing yourself to others. When you constantly focus on the admirable qualities of others and not on your own amazing qualities, you are stealing joy from yourself. If we spent the amount of time focusing on our strengths as we do on focusing on what qualities others have that we wish we had, we would have those qualities too. It’s also likely you do have those qualities, you just don’t allow yourself to acknowledge them and be proud of them. When we see others with similar qualities as us, we tend to be drawn to them. So if you are drawn to someone, it is possible you possess the same qualities. Write down the good things about you and allow yourself to believe them! Stop going on social media and looking at what others have going one and comparing your life to theirs. What other people post is not reality. That person who is gushing about how amazing their spouse is? They probably spent 2 hours complaining about them the night before. Nobody has it all together, at least not all the time, so stop comparing yourself to others. We all have admirable things about our lives, so focus on those. If you are having a hard time finding them, ask someone you trust to help you discover them-and believe them when they say them to you! The things we see on the internet are not always real, and sometimes we need to remind ourselves of that. 

Self Reflection Question

How are you going to find joy this week?